Holiday specials
by Bardiel the 13th
Summary: A fic were every chapter is a holiday.Only problem is every chapter depends on how long it is untill the next holiday comes.
1. Halloween

**I do not own NGE. **

**Halloween special**

A/N:This is my first attempt at a holiday specials fic.I will write a story every holiday I want to, look foward to Thanksgiving as ch.2.The chapters will have no connection if they are based on different holidays.

**Katsuragi residence ,Misato's room**

Rrriiiingg...rrrii-smack!

Damn alarm clock...wait...what day is it?

(Misato checked the calender on her vibrator/cell)

It's Halloween!Yay!

**Asuka's room**

Rrriiing...rriin-BOOOM!!!!

Damn alarm clock...what day is it?

(Asuka checked the calender on her cell)

It's Halloween!Yeah!

**Shinji's room**

Rrrriing...rrriing...rrrii-pressed off button.

Stupid alarm clock...I wonder what day it is?

(Shinji checked the calender on his S-DAT)

It's Halloween...dammit...

**Pen-pen's room**

Brriing...brri-peck!

Wark wark wark war...wark wark?

(Pen-pen checked the calender on his timer)

War wark war!Shit.

**Hallway a few minutes later**

"It was Halloween today and Asuka and Misato were excited, but Shinji and Pen2 were not"

Hey Shinji!Breakfast is ready!, yelled Asuka and Misato at the same time.

What smells like...like...like real food?, said Shinji as he came out of his room.

We made ham, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, pancakes, waffles, french toast, and mini pizzas, said Asuka and Misato at the same time again.

That kicks ass!I'll take one of everything!, said Shinji excitedly as he headed to the kitchen.

Got it, said Misato as she went into the kitchen to prepare Shinji's plate.

**Kitchen**

What the fuck is that!, yelled Shinji as he ran under the table.

What's wrong Shinji, never seen a real meal before?, teased Asuka with a grin.

That's not food!

Yes it is, said Misato.

There is a fucking bleeding severed **arm** on my plate!!

Again Shinji, never seen a real meal before?, said Asuka as she took a bite out of the arm.

Oh my god!You people are fucking sick!

(Pen2 comes out of his freezer to check on his breakfast, but went back in as soon as he saw what looked like a roasted chicken on his dish)

Calm down Shinji, it's just a piece of bread painted like an arm, explained Misato.

Wh..what about the blood.

Raspberry syrup, said Asuka as she licked off the syrup from her finger.

I really hate you guys...

**NERV**

Dr.Akagi you cal-...no...who did this...Who did this!Noooooooooooo!!, yelled Shinji in a emotional rage.

(Ritsuko lay in a pool of her own blood with a knife sticking out of her back)

-_snicker_-Ah ha ha ha ha!, laughed Ritsuko.You fell for it big time!Ah ha ha ha ha!You fucking loser!Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Crap load of staff members came out of their hiding spots and laughed their asses off)

-_sniff_-I hate you all!, Shinji ran to school with tears streaming off his face.

**School**

"Shinji wondered the empty halls of his school, which were decorated with black in celebration of Halloween.When Shinji neared his class he saw what appered like bullet holes in the door, and a small pool of blood at the entrance of the class.Shinji continued with caution."

_What the hell happened here?_, wondered Shinji as he peeked into the classroom door.

"Inside there was someone who looked like Kensuke holding a machine gun, and around him lay the students in a pool of red."(except Rei, she's at NERV)

(Shinji walks inside)

Ken...Kensuke...what happened?, Shinji asked nervously.(Shinji was scared, but the lives of other people were at stake)

They wouldn't stop.

What wouldn't stop?, said Shinji as he got closer.

They just wouldn't stop the teasing, the hiting, all the god damn bullying.So I took care of it, of my problems, now they're gone.

Kensuke this wasn't the answer, you could've done something different to stop-

Shinji you've never wronged me, or hurt me in any way, but I know you'll tell that's why you're next in line...To die!, Kensuke spun around and fired one single shot.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-splat!What the hell?(there was a red paint stain on Shinji's forehead)

(the students erupted into laughter, which creeped out Shinji cause' he thought they were dead)

You fell for it so badly!Ha ha ha ha ha!, laughed everybody in the room.

I'm gonna kill you all for real!, yelled Shinji as he ran to the one person he knows that can't possibly prank him.

**Rei's place**

-_knock_-Can I come in?-_knock_-Ayanami, did you hear me?-_door opens_-She never answers the door, said Shinji as he walked inside.

**Inside**

What's that smell?Smells like something's rotting in here., said Shinji as he continued into the main room.

(Shinji almost pass out, Rei's body (from elbow up) was stuck in the oven, there were rats nibbling on her hands, and there was dried blood around the oven)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Rei, no...

-_giggle_-

Huh?, said Shinji with tears streaming down his face.

Ha ha ha, Rei quietly chuckled from her hiding spot under the bed.

Rei what the fuck!

I am sorry Ikari, but the chance to do this was to great to let go.

I...I thought you were my friend.

I think friendship is irrelevent, and unneeded.

You bitch!That's it!I've taken' to much shit to handle!, yelled Shinji before he ran to NERV.

**Eva cages**

Launch eva!, yelled Shinji from inside unit 01.

**Outside after launch**

-_deep breath_-Light started shining from unit 01's mouth-_release_-A Godzilla sized beam came out of unit 01's mouth, effectively destroying half Tokyo-3.

Take that bitches!Yeah!, yelled Shinji as he destroyed Tokyo-3.

**Burning rubble that used to be Tokyo-3**

You see Shinji, this is what happens when you can't control your anger, said Gendo.

But they started it!, said Shinji.

I don't care.Do you think I lost my temper when people made fun of me, no I didn't.

You would have them executed!

Yes, but I didn't lose my temper now did I.

I guess not.Lets go look for more survivors, said Shinji.

Alright.

(Gendo and Shinji were some how stuck together like siamease twins, but they looked way more disgusting)

A/N:Happy Halloween!


	2. Thanksgiving

**Disclaimer:I do not own NGE.**

A/N:This is for those that don't understand my style of writing.

"you suck"me talking

(you suck)me adding info

_that guy sucks, _character thinking

**guy that sucks's place**place and area

**School**

Okay kids, the school decided that we're going to have a Thanksgiving dance, said the teacher.

"Really loud 'Aww's of disapointment and refusal rang out through out the school as the teachers delivered the news to their students.Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Shinji has to deal with cooking and asking someone to the dance.(That's if he goes I mean)Let's see how it turns out"

Um?Sir, spoke up Shinji.

Yes Mr.Ikari.What is it you need?

I was wondering, do we **have** to go to the dance(Loud yeahs came out of the boy's mouths)?

Of course.The note here even says'The Thanksgiving dance is mandetory'.Except Miss.Sohryu who luckily happens' to be absent.

No sir...

Anyone else have a complaint?

All:No sir...

**Home after school**

So what'cha makin' for Thanksgiving next week Shinji?, asked Misato as Shinji got home.

Yeah slave what are you gonna make, demanded Asuka who decided to stay home cause she's a bitch.

I'm not gonna be able to make anything, Shinji replied gloomily cause' he knew he was gonna get yelled at.

Why not Shinji?, asked Misato.

Why!Tell me you little bastard!(You'll be able to tell who it is by the voice tone)

It's because the school's having a mandetory dance!Don't hit me!

A dance huh?So who ya takin' Shinji?Is it going to be me?

Shut up Misato!Don't you remember that **we** don't get **food**!

Hey Asuka?Don't you also have to go?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Asuka you don't get to go!

Thank you god or god-like figure!

Why doesn't she get to go Shinji?

Because she was absent, she didn't count.

Oh hell yeah!These are the moments i'm happy i'm a total bitch.

Got that right.

Shut up Misato!

**Meanwhile at NERV**

So baby what are gonna do for Thanksgiving next week?, said Ritsuko to her cell.

Voice in cell:I'm gonna dip you in gravy and lick it all off.(I know it sucks but it's not my fault this guy sucks at flirting)

Oh really?What are you gonna do after that?

Voice in cell:Let's just say I have something special waiting for you after that.

So I-

Hello Dr.Akagi how are you to day?, Maya asked happily as she walked through the door.

Oh shit.(talks into cell)Call you back later...click.Maya what the hell do you want.

Sorry Dr. I didn't mean to upset you.

To bad.What do you want?

Shigeru asked me out and I-

Shut the fuck up!Man, the one simple question I ask you, you can't answer.So i'll ask again.What do you want?

(Maya starts crying and runs out of the room)

Crazy bitch, said Ritsuko as she pushed the re-dial button on her cell.

**Back home**

So you're not going to be able to cook dinner on Thanksgiving, that sucks, said Misato as a small storm cloud floated on her head.

Sorry Misato, but there's nothing I can do about it.I mean I'd love to stay here with you guys but it's mandetory, said Shinji.

"Well there you have it, poor Misato, and Asuka get no food, and poor Shinji has to ask someone out.Guess who that is"

**Outside Rei's place**

knock knock...knock knock..

Maybe she's not home?(opens the door and looks inside)Ayanami...are you here...i'm coming in...

**Inside Rei's place**

Ayanami are you here?

In here Ikari, said Rei's soft voice.

Oh, there you are(she was in the kitchen)I was about to leave.

What is it you need Ikari.

I just...just wanted to know...if...if...if you had a date to the Thanksgiving dance next week?

No I do not.

Well would you like to go?

No.

Sorry, I mean if you would like to go...with me.

(Rei stayed quiet trying to think about her dicision)I...I...I do not know Ikari...

I'm sorry Ayanami, but I have to go now-

Wait...it...it would be ni..nice to go with you...

Really!Great!I'll be here to pick you up next week.(I do support this pairing)

**A few minutes before the dance**

Are you ready Ayanami?

Yes Ikari...I am.

"Well Rei and Shinji are at the dance, what else can I do but sit and look pretty"

**Dance time**

Ladies and gentleman, this dance is for all of you.Let's face it, this could be the last time you could ever do this...so enjoy, said the anouncer who started to tear.

(a slow song plays)

Rei I-

Shhh, I know Shinji.Me too...me too...

(Rei and Shinji danced and their faces slowly made their way closer and closer to each other until they ki-

**Meanwhile**

Gendo I-

I know Ritsuko me too(I in no way support this pairing).

**Elsewhere**

Katsuragi i've been meaning to tell you...I-

I know Kaji...I feel the same way too.(I do support this pairing)

**Somewhere in the dance**

Sohryu?

Nagisa?

When did we pair up?

I've no idea.

Oh well...let's dance.(Don't ask why I support this pairing, it's a long story)

**Back to Shinji and Rei**

I never knew that Rei...you're always so silent.

I didn't even know that either.

What?

Nothing..

AN/Boo whoo, you don't like this.I hope you get a heart attack with the turkey you're gonna be stuffing down your pie hole.Now if you excuse me, I can't continue this right now...my dicks on fire...


	3. Christmas

**Disclaimer:I do not own NGE or christmas.**

A/N:Some of this will be disgusting so don't read it.I have to post this earlier because i'll probobly be to busy on christmas.

**Katsuragi residence**

"In the Katsuragi residence there was nothing but happyness and joy for the christmas season, but there was one who didn't enjoy the spirit of christmas(or crack)"

Jingle bells!Gendo smells!Kaji la-

Shut the fuck up!, yelled Misato(yes Misato who did you think it was, Asuka?)in a grumpy rage.Why do you have to sing that fucking song so loud!

But Misato, we on-

Don't give me your pussy excuses Shinji.They won't work on me today, said Misato as she pulled the beer fridge into her room.

What the hell is her problem?, said Asuka from the couch she hid behind when Misato got angry.

I wonder why she hates christmas so much?Maybe thats when her dad died or something.

I don't think so.The second impact happened before december.All in all we better Dr.Akagi or something.

**Ritsuko's office a few minutes later**

What do you want Asuka, Shinji, said Ritsuko from behind her paper work.

We wanted to know why Misato hates christmas so much, said Asuka.

Misato hates christmas?When did this happen!?, asked Ritsuko in shock.

You mean she doesn't have sort of deep hatred of christmas due to her past?, asked Shinji.

No...every christmas Misato would celebrate like a monster.Drinking a hundred beers, and some times having sex with the nearest person to her.Ever wonder why Maya is a lesbian, now you have your answer.

Wow...I didn't know Misato took it **that** far, said Asuka.Shinji...are you crying?

M..Misato hates christmas now so that means i'm not g..gonna get lucky...

**Gendo's office after hearing the news from his spy cam. in Ritsuko's office**

Ikari..

I know Fuyutsuki.The worst case senario has finally happened...Misato is pissed so now we have no shot at getting laid this christmas...

Ikari...we must find what's bothering her.

I will take care of that my self Fuyutsuki.

**You** are actually going to do something on your own?

Yes Fuyutsuki...I will find and destroy her problem before tonight.

Our penises are counting on you Ikari...good luck...

**Back at Ritsuko's office**

What the fuck Shinji, said Asuka.

Yeah Shinji?, asked Ritsuko.

I'm sorry it's just my male horomones acting up.

What the hell are you talking about?, asked Asuka.I was talking about your crazy plan.

Oh...**that**...well it's the only reasonable thing we can do without risking our lives.

Oh come on Shinji what can she possibly do to us.

She owns a gun Asuka, said Ritsuko.But I do agree with Shinji's plan, even though it will be extremely difficult.

Okay then.Today begins operation talk to Misato about her problems or not get laid!, announced Shinji.

Shinji why do you want to do it with Misato?, asked Ritsuko.

Because Asuka's a bitch, Rei's to...well Rei's perfect, but Misato is more experianced.

I knew being a bitch was gonna bite me in the ass eventually, said Asuka.

Okay then...let's go talk to Misato about her problems or not get Shinji laid this christmas, said Ritsuko.

**Katsuragi residence**

Misato we've come to talk to you about your problems, said Ritsuko.

Go stick a tree up your ass!

Well that didn't work...you're next Asuka.

Misato I need you to tell me what's bothering you, said Asuka.

I will choke you with your uterus!

Ouch...you're next...wonder girl...what the hell are you doing here?

I am here to help captain Katsuragi.

Alright, give it a shot.

Captain Katsuragi will you tell me what is troubling you.

I will fuck you till you explode!

That was uneseceraly lesbian of her...you are next Ikari.

Misato...now that you hate christmas I have a feeling i'm not going to get laid by you.

Shinji...I didn't know how badly this was affecting you.I'm sorry, but what's bothering me is something not even time can heal.

Fuck!, yelled both Gendo and Kozo(that's Fuyutsuki's first name)in rage.

What the hell are you doing in my apartment, said Misato.

Because of your problem Katsuragi, we also might not get laid by you.

That's very nice of you but m-

-beep--beep-

My pizza's done!Yay!, now my problems fixed, said Misato.

Are you fucking kidding me!You were waiting for a fucking pizza!, yelled Asuka.

So what Asuka, now we can have a group orgie!

Hell no!!You sick bastard!

**The next day**

Wow Shinji, I didn't know group orgies were so good, said Asuka in a drowzy voice who was covered in baby batter.

Me neither, said Shinji who was covered in love juice.

Marry Christmas everyone!, yelled Misato from under Ritsuko and Rei's bodies.

A/N:Yes I warned you all.This christmas can only be celebrated by the eva crew.For the retards who havent guessed it yet baby batter is sperm and love juice is the well you know that comes from a woman.


End file.
